Your Wellbeing Equation Is as Unique as Your Fingerprint

And Why Human Evolution Makes It So Hard to Discover

"Life is a journey—it’s not a sprint. It’s not to be won but learned to be enjoyed. Enjoyed, if possible, in the midst of cultivating our health and well-being while simultaneously trying to contend with its trials and tribulations."
— Bronce Rice

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Unlike animals that instinctively know how to thrive, we humans must consciously design our lives—over time—to support our health and wellness. We are not born with a predefined survival blueprint but must discover our own unique wellbeing equations—a personal set of habits, routines, mindsets, beliefs and values that sustain us throughout life.

Yet before we can do this, we spend years in dependency, shaped by caregivers, societal expectations and cultural conditioning—long before we develop the ability to think for ourselves. While our prolonged maturation allows for greater intelligence, emotional depth and adaptability, it also leaves us highly susceptible to external influences. These forces shape everything from our understanding of success and happiness to what we allow ourselves to be curious about—often without us realizing how deeply they unconsciously shape the way we live.

By adulthood, many of us are following internalized narratives—beliefs and behavioral patterns we never actively chose. For some, these patterns remain unexamined, shaping our lives without us ever questioning how they impact our well-being in the present moment. Over time, these unconscious rules can create self-doubt, inner conflict, relational struggles and emotional vulnerabilities—challenges that other species don’t have.

To cultivate a life that feels meaningful and emotionally fulfilling, each person must consciously discover their unique wellbeing equation(s) rather than passively inheriting them. In my clinical experience, failing to recognize these underlying dynamics—especially the unhealthy ones—can lead to persistent issues with depression, anxiety, anger, boredom and lethargy, along with a pervasive sense of meaninglessness, diminished hope and overwhelming stress that exceeds the ordinary burdens of daily life. Like a fingerprint, no two wellbeing equations are identical—what helps one person thrive may not be what another needs to feel whole.

Enjoyment and fulfillment are deeply personal, yet external forces often shape how we live and think, making it harder to recognize what truly sustains us—psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. Without conscious effort, we risk following outdated mental equations that disconnect us from our well-being rather than intentionally designing a life that aligns with our individual needs—the mind, body, and spirit of real life, if you will.

The Mental Equations of Living: Why We Struggle to Solve for Well-Being

Because human life is not governed by instinct alone, we must actively construct our paths forward. This process is what I call the Mental Equations of Living—the ongoing problem-solving abilities required to align our actions with our well-being.

Take, for example, someone like Ruth, who comes to therapy after a painful breakup. She believes her depression stems solely from losing her partner. However, deeper exploration reveals that her distress is not just about her ex but about:

• Unresolved childhood abandonment issues that the breakup triggered.

• Neglecting her own self-care, making her more emotionally vulnerable.

• Fear of being alone, rooted in patterns from her upbringing.

On the surface, Ruth believes her equation is simple: Ruth + Partner = Happiness. But in reality, it’s more complicated:

Ruth + (Unresolved Trauma + Neglected Self-Care + Fear of Being Alone) = Depression.

If our well-being were universal, a single equation would apply to everyone—but it doesn’t. Each of us carries a different set of variables shaped by our past, our unique biology, temperament, psychology and our personal emotional needs. Ruth’s path to well-being must be uniquely hers, just as yours must be tailored to you.

Your Wellbeing Equation: A Fingerprint—Not a Formula

If there’s one fundamental truth about our well-being, it’s this: what works for one person may not work for another. Just as no two fingerprints are alike, no two wellbeing equations are identical.

From the moment we are born, we are imprinted with experiences, relationships and beliefs that shape how we navigate, shape and view the world. Some people thrive on structure and routine; others flourish in flexibility and spontaneity. One person finds peace in solitude while another feels most alive in community.

This is why most, particularly rigid, wellness formulas fail—they more often than not inherently assume we are all wired the same way. But your wellbeing equation(s) should be an expression of who you are not who society tells you to be.

For instance, instead of asking, "What should I be doing?”—try asking:

• What rhythms and habits make me feel most alive?

• What kind of rest and recovery does my body respond to best?

• What kind of relationships and environments nourish me?

• What mental frameworks help me process stress and adversity?

• What am I curious about in life and what do I desire for myself?

Like a fingerprint, your wellbeing equation is yours alone to discover. The challenge is not just breaking free from outdated scripts but replacing them with something that reflects your unique nature—not someone else’s prescription for a good life.

The Psychological Impact of Early Social Conditioning

Because we are so deeply shaped by our early environments we often mistake inherited values for personal truth.

For example:

• If we grew up in a family that prioritized work ethic over emotional needs, we may struggle to prioritize rest and self-care without guilt.

• If love and affection were conditional on achievement, we might equate success with self-worth—even at the cost of our well-being.

• If emotional expression was discouraged, we might suppress feelings, leading to stress-related illnesses and difficulties expressing our thoughts and emotions appropriately in relationships.

These deeply embedded beliefs often operate unconsciously, making it difficult to discern whether we are living authentically or simply following inherited scripts. Unraveling these internalized patterns is a crucial step in shaping a wellbeing equation that is authentically our own.

The Problem with Self-Help Books and the Need for Self-Exploration

Self-help books, by definition, promise transformation, yet they often reinforce an old pattern rooted in our earliest dependency—the need to seek external authority not only for guidance but for emotional and psychological survival itself. As infants, our very existence hinged on the presence, care and responsiveness of our caregivers. This early dependency is wired into us, shaping the way we relate to the world.

Because humans are creatures of repetition and habit, we often unconsciously relive these early patterns—even when they no longer serve us. Much of what we internalize in childhood, including the belief that our well-being depends on someone else’s authority, validation or knowldge base becomes the default blueprint for how we navigate life.

Unless we actively examine these ingrained patterns—particularly our unconscious reliance on others for our emotional "survival"—we frequently repeat them in adulthood, often in ways that undermine our independence. Having grown up relying on caregivers, teachers, and authority figures, we instinctively continue seeking external prescriptions to solve our struggles. This isn’t merely a habit—it’s a deeply embedded psychological survival mechanism. Until we bring it into awareness, we remain bound to it, recreating familiar cycles—even when they no longer support our growth and adult maturation.

This early reliance on authority often follows us into adulthood, making us susceptible to prescriptive self-help methods that claim to offer universal solutions. However, much like the inherited beliefs and behaviors we unconsciously absorb in childhood, these one-size-fits-all formulas often reinforce external dependency rather than fostering genuine curiosity, self-exploration and self-trust in our abilty to navigate what is best for us over time.

Instead of unconsciously repeating old patterns of seeking external authority—moving from one guru or quick fix to the next—we want to question whether this tendency actually serves us. Healthy transformation begins with designing our own wellbeing equations. To be clear, breaking free from unhelpful inherited scripts doesn’t mean rejecting all guidance outright; it means learning to discern what genuinely resonates with us in healthy, sustainable ways and what doesn’t.

Rather than searching for a singular, foolproof roadmap to happiness, our well-being is best nurtured through an ongoing process of self-exploration, experimentation and reflection. Because we evolve over time, what works today may not work tomorrow—and while that uncertainty may feel unsettling, it is through this dynamic process that we grow and mature as individuals and as a species.

Designing Your Own Path Forward—A Call to Action

When designing our wellbeing equation(s), we should approach both the process and ourselves with curiosity, patience and a willingness to embrace trial and error. After all, how else do we learn if we don’t make a few mistakes along the way—both the ordinary and the unexpected? Most importantly, we want to do so with kindness and compassion both for ourselves and others. Growth and maturation aren’t about solely following someone else’s formula; they’re about discovering what truly sustains us and integrating it into our daily lives.

The goal isn’t merely to break free from old patterns but to replace them with something uniquely ours—an equation that reflects who we are, evolves with us and supports us in ways that feel authentic and nourishing. This process takes time, as it should. Designing a life that supports your well-being is more art than science—while scientific insights provide valuable guidance, the real work lies in personal exploration and refining what truly works for you. So, let’s begin with a few important questions:

• What nourishes you?

• What drains you?

• What shifts in your wellbeing equation as you grow?

• What is close to your heart and makes you happier when you are around it?

Lastly, it should be highlighted that our well-being is not a destination but an ongoing discovery—more like a personal signature, distinct yet adaptable, shaped by time, experience and self-awareness. Some elements of your equation may remain constant, while others will need to be reworked as your needs and circumstances evolve. The key is not just to refine your wellbeing equation but to embrace and even enjoy the process of self-discovery itself—to cultivate curiosity, compassion, patience and a sense of openness toward your own growth.

The challenge isn’t to follow someone else’s blueprint but to design a life where your well-being naturally emerges from how you choose to live, rather than feeling like an obligation or checklist item. When our wellbeing equations aligns with our values, needs and aspirations, our well-being ceases to feel like a chore and instead becomes an organic part of a fulfilling, sustainable life—one that enhances both our daily experience and the long-term quality of our living.

If you are curious about your well-being and/or need a little help bringing it into existence, please consider joining me and my community.

If my writing has been useful to you, or to someone you love, and you’d like to support the time and care that goes into it, you can do so here.www.buymeacoffee.com/Bronce

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