The Health Emporium - I have found that maturation and growth take many decades for most of us to work out and continue to work on and what you raise is pretty common for a lot of folks who come to see me. Add in the kind of healthy eating, exercising and the like that you specialize in and you have a nice Wellbeing Equation of Living that I help people figure out.
This is such a beautiful and soul-stirring reflection.
I was privileged to have an involved father who truly understood family in every sense of the word. Losing him last year at 84 was a huge transition for my siblings and me, but also a moment of deep gratitude. Gratitude for the life he lived, the legacy he left, and the fact that we had him long enough to witness so many milestones. I know not everyone gets that.
As someone deeply passionate about building strong families, I’m even more aware of the quiet strength and grounding presence that fathers and father figures can bring. There is a gap only they can fill. And for me, Father’s Day is less about a date on the calendar and more like a reflective portal, just as you beautifully expressed. It invites me to think about the legacy I’ve inherited, the values I want to preserve, and the ways I’m showing up in my own life and parenting journey.
I am again reminded that presence matters more than perfection, and that intention, however imperfect, is a legacy in itself.
Stella - thank you for sharing a bit of your story related to your father and your journey with your own family as an adult. To be present in a loving and caring fashion matter as you relay. I'm always curious when a particular man (or woman at points) is able to show up in mature ways related to shouldering adult responsibilities how this transpired as many in our society choose not to shoulder such responsibility.
Thank you so much Dr. Bronce. I always say that parenting is such a profound mix. A privilege and a responsibility, beautifully woven into one. It’s definitely not always easy, and we don’t always get it right. But I truly believe that when we do, we as parents are the first to experience the reward. And when we don’t, we also carry the weight of those consequences firsthand. It’s a daily choice to keep going, even through the hard parts.
I've had many different fathers, including one who abandoned and a couple who filled the father role for me. Fathers are deeply, truly special. I love how you wrote that it's not only a singular relationship but also the ongoing story fathers do and contribute to others' lives.
Thank you for reading and commenting Melanie. I rather appreciate it as well as that you highlight the ongoing story that we can have in regard to our fathers no matter who they have been. As mentioned, elsewhere, I look forward to hearing more about your important work along the way. What you are buiding is obviously so important.
This reflection landed so deeply Bronce. Thank you for naming what so many of us carry but don’t often pause to explore. The idea of “fathering” as presence, not perfection, really stayed with me. Here’s to living more intentionally, one honest question at a time.
Yes, Father’s Day stirs many emotions in me, including gratitude and grief. longing and deep reflection. Losing my father to lethal ALS disease and seeing his fit body melt in front of my eyes was not an easy experience. But acceptance of our mortality helped me deal with this situation at the time. Now, as a father myself, your story means a lot to me. Thank you, Dr Rice, for writing this insightful, inspiring, and empowering piece from the heart with valuable life lessons
Dr Yildiz - Thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt reflection on fatherhood. I can only begin to imagine the pain of witnessing your father’s decline and yet you speak with such depth and meaning about what it now means to be a father yourself. I imagine Father’s Day carries a unique weight for you related to grief woven with gratitude and I hop that memory is softened by love and time. The life lesson you offer is a profound one and I’m extremely grateful for your generosity in sharing it.
A very powerful and significant article on the importance of reflecting on fatherhood and how it shapes us Bronce. My father was an amazing provider but wasn't quite equipped, like so many with emotional capacity to show up as I would have liked. That being said, I am truly grateful for his hard work and expression of love through the experiences he gave me. And the conclusion that love of self should always be made a priority ❤️🙏✨
Thank you Nicola for showing up in a way that matters in life. Yes, the emotional capacity for maturation and whether one hits the mark so to speak is such an interesting thing for men in particular I have found.
And I couldn't agree more on the love of self expression that you highlight. It sounds like you have learned, and continue to relearn, how to show up for yourself in a way that you wished your father did a bit more of. Profound how this type of journey effects the human condition.
Thank you too Bronce. It's profound indeed! I couldn't have done it with awareness alone. My spiritual practices and acceptance of who I really am, have brought me a long way🙏✨❤️
Beautiful and helpful text about fatherhood and your reflection. The warm pictures remembered me how I have never met such fathers not in my childhood and not during my motherhood, and I felt a sting of sadness for my children and myself.
Thank you Tajana - I particularly appreciate you responding given your thoughts and rememberances regarding your own upbringing. I know you've relayed along the way it hasn't been the easiest of situations to say the least.
Curious, do you have any children who are male? I have seen situations where mothers have come to see me and they've had to be mother and father to their children.
You are right, I had had to be mother and father to my son and daughter. Nevertheless, I have a husband who is father of my children. They live their independet life now. My daughter is married, 2 children. My son lives alone, not far from me, but I have never visited him. I forwarded him your post and your Interview. Our communication is only: "Hello" and "How are you doing." I am also sending him my Thursday posts (not posts I wrote as Saturday posts), and it is my communication with him, I partly wrote them for him.
I hope the writitng and sharing you do with your son brings some comfort to you and allows him to understand you a bit more. I have a different relationship with my father now that we are both grown adults. I had to ask him some difficult questions I don't think either one of us felt all that comfortable to talk about. Tell your son I said Hi and that I'm curious if he has any thoughts on my work. No worries if he doesn't want to share or doesn't have thoughts about it. I like that you share with him and keep trying.
Thank you for this reply. Yes, it brings some comfort to me, as I am sure he has read it as I gave him opportunity to tell me to stop sending e-mails, but he didn’t do it. He also accepts your posts. Because the texts are general, and I discover my own inner world, and you discover yours, without interfering with him.
Ahh, nice, you are a wise one Tajana Ida. I like the way you think. Good way to interact all around. Hard to do in life but important when we can get it.
I wish you good luck with difficult questions to your father. At that moment when you come to the essence of the problem you will not be adult anymore, be prepared to meet yourself as a little boy again. And remember that the men are allowed to cry, too.
Good read. I’ve been thinking about the idea of “second adulthood” where we begin reconsidering our values and what really matters. I like the idea of really writing out what your values and how that aligns with how you’re living life. I’ll journal on that tonight!
Nicole - I'm glad the newsletter has some things in it that resonates with you! And given that we overlap in some of what we do for a living, I used to work exclusively with children in a younger day, I'd love to hear how the journaling "homework" that you set for yourself went.
Firstly, thank you for mentioning me and my upcoming mini-course and your kind words. I am very much looking forward to our live on 30 June.
This is a lovely post to celebrate fatherhood. I didn’t have the best relationship with my father and now when I look back with full understanding of how he always did his best, it’s too late to let him know he did a great job as a father. Perhaps he knows though. I like to think so.
My purpose daily is to live with love, kindness and gratitude, in the best way I can 💕
Sue - I certainly am as well. I watch you doing those Lives a fair amount and think she must be wracking up the self-confidence points by the day. Inspiring to be honest.
I'm sure he felt your love for him in whatever form it showed up. My relationshiop with my father is pretty good these days. My therapist Mel has pushed me in this terrritory more than I was comfortable with/am comfortable with at points but I'll admit my work with him has payed off - and that is him - being both my therapist and my father. Two stubborn men finding ways to relate and talk in new ways.
Your purpose is important. I've dedicated multiple decades to the craft of healing and you need this kind of living in the mix or it's more mind/theoretical based. That's not nothing mind you but to become transformative in the mind, body, spirit relm you need love as a base. Thank you Sue! Now I'm getting excited for our upcoming Live :)
Unfortunately I am not sure he did. I was pretty horrible back then and a very troubled soul. But he loved me and did his best to protect me. My mum told me it was partly my fault he died. Not true and I didn’t even believe it then but that was how depressed she was herself. Traumatic times but it’s all in the past and I am in a different life now. My sister still chooses to live in the past and doesn’t speak to me, despite living in the same street. My older brother died young and my younger brother is probably the kindest person in the world (he works in mental health).
Ahh, no question on the complexity of families (some of the most complex relationships we will ever have), I understand the importance of learning from the type of living we were immersed in when we were younger, learning to ponder it deeply and learn from it if you will, and live out a different message should that be what one wants or needs to do and if one can find the strength and maturity do so. You cetainly have and this Substack is better for it.
Love this piece, Bronce. Thanks for sharing such a unique way to always look at events or situations with a questioning of "purpose" - this enlightens us to our higher vibrations. If we all applied your pov: "Let it become a call to purposeful living", then the world would be a better place!
PS. My purpose daily is to be kind, true to myself, and even when I don't feel "ready", just act with gratitude, grace, and divine guidance. Keep shining!
Thank you Grace! :) You have a way about you that in a younger day I would've thought about as working with the holy spirit. When this kind thought hits me, I usually pay attention to how they are living out the kind of living they are. All to say, your kind of purposeful living makes me smile. I appreciate it because it matters and it makes sense to me.
Alan Watts says, “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
Living with purpose is not as important as I used to believe. I used to have many books about finding your purpose (”Finding Your North Star,” by Martha Beck and The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron and The Purpose of Your Life: Finding Your Place In The World Using Synchronicity, Intuition, And Uncommon Sense (promoted by Oprah Winfrey)). I did exercises. I highlighted. I was a good student. I underlined because I was determined to find my ultimate purpose. The only reason I felt so obsessed with this activity was that I felt lost. In retrospect, I don't think this ‘soul searching’ helped me much. It may have helped me understand my inner world a bit better. But I was never able to grasp precisely what my purpose was. Indeed, my destiny was supposed to be unique and extraordinary. It would be something that promised to offer me freedom if I followed the correct steps and paid money for workshops. All the books I read didn't deliver in their promise. Perhaps, I should have asked for a refund. As I like to say, “The ‘Secret’ to Life is that there is no secret.” 😯 Such is my understanding of the book, The Secret.
I gave up the ultimate search at some point. I realized that I was as mundane and ordinary as anyone else. As I self-reflected, it felt like a bourgeois luxury anyway. People living in poverty or third-world countries aren't constantly considering their life’s purpose. It feels very America—part of the modern hussle. If you can't brand yourself, and if you can't monetize yourself, who are you?
When I was twenty, I remember walking fast on the college campus, proudly thinking, “I’m going places!” Where was I going? I guess I didn't care. I was going somewhere, not nowhere. That's all that mattered at the time. I had escaped my childhood home of abuse and neglect.
I have recently been disabused of the notion that finding a specific purpose is all that important. Do what you love. Love other people. Do that.
Being present and in alignment are more important these days. Keramine assisted psychotherapy was influential in that regard. I used to feel a need to chase after things I suppose to prove my self-worth. In reality, in retrospect, it was ‘in flight’ from myself. I'm not interested in pursuing things for achievement or status. There are things I'd like to experience, things to learn, and ways I’d like to evolve. Activities that align with my values are important to me. Being of service to others is also of central importance to me, but it’s not my entire identity or reason for being.
Anna - Thank you. I’ve found myself reading this more than once. Your ability to reflect with such honesty and perspective at the same time is striking. You put words to something I struggle to articulate so clearly. That our obsessive search for purpose can sometimes be more about escaping ourselves than learning how to be okay with who we already are.
What and how you share this hits on what I meant when I wrote that our wellbeing is like a fingerprint, uniquely shaped by lived experience, not by external formulas or prescriptive paths. This is where the self-help genre often falls short in my estimation.
What you describe in those early striving years that determined sense of “going somewhere” is something I see often in my clinical work and at times within myself. And then, if we’re lucky, there comes a point when we begin to slow down and realize that being here, alive and well to whatever extent, might be enough. I want to say is enough but I think that’s part of the ongoing human struggle, too.
Purpose becomes a different kind of question then, not about achievement, but about the shape and quality of our living. I smiled when you wrote, “Do what you love. Love other people. Do that.” In my way of thinking, that is a type of purpose. That is enough. I’m grateful for your voice in this conversation. You’ve reminded me, and likely many others, that just being, however we are doing this, can be enough, even in a world still urging, at times demanding, us to chase and be otherwise.
Hey, I really liked this. It made me think about how much our fathers shape who we become, whether they were present or not. I can relate to what you said about Father’s Day being a portal to deeper questions. Thanks for sharing this.
My values in this second half of my life are
1. Simplistic living
2. Living a life of integrity
3. Being grateful
🙏
It only took me nearly 50 years to work this out but I’m getting there now 😁
The Health Emporium - I have found that maturation and growth take many decades for most of us to work out and continue to work on and what you raise is pretty common for a lot of folks who come to see me. Add in the kind of healthy eating, exercising and the like that you specialize in and you have a nice Wellbeing Equation of Living that I help people figure out.
I appreciate you sharing!
It's never too late!
Bingo Mike!
I like the way you think! :)
This is such a beautiful and soul-stirring reflection.
I was privileged to have an involved father who truly understood family in every sense of the word. Losing him last year at 84 was a huge transition for my siblings and me, but also a moment of deep gratitude. Gratitude for the life he lived, the legacy he left, and the fact that we had him long enough to witness so many milestones. I know not everyone gets that.
As someone deeply passionate about building strong families, I’m even more aware of the quiet strength and grounding presence that fathers and father figures can bring. There is a gap only they can fill. And for me, Father’s Day is less about a date on the calendar and more like a reflective portal, just as you beautifully expressed. It invites me to think about the legacy I’ve inherited, the values I want to preserve, and the ways I’m showing up in my own life and parenting journey.
I am again reminded that presence matters more than perfection, and that intention, however imperfect, is a legacy in itself.
Stella - thank you for sharing a bit of your story related to your father and your journey with your own family as an adult. To be present in a loving and caring fashion matter as you relay. I'm always curious when a particular man (or woman at points) is able to show up in mature ways related to shouldering adult responsibilities how this transpired as many in our society choose not to shoulder such responsibility.
Thank you so much Dr. Bronce. I always say that parenting is such a profound mix. A privilege and a responsibility, beautifully woven into one. It’s definitely not always easy, and we don’t always get it right. But I truly believe that when we do, we as parents are the first to experience the reward. And when we don’t, we also carry the weight of those consequences firsthand. It’s a daily choice to keep going, even through the hard parts.
I've had many different fathers, including one who abandoned and a couple who filled the father role for me. Fathers are deeply, truly special. I love how you wrote that it's not only a singular relationship but also the ongoing story fathers do and contribute to others' lives.
Thank you for reading and commenting Melanie. I rather appreciate it as well as that you highlight the ongoing story that we can have in regard to our fathers no matter who they have been. As mentioned, elsewhere, I look forward to hearing more about your important work along the way. What you are buiding is obviously so important.
This reflection landed so deeply Bronce. Thank you for naming what so many of us carry but don’t often pause to explore. The idea of “fathering” as presence, not perfection, really stayed with me. Here’s to living more intentionally, one honest question at a time.
Yes, Father’s Day stirs many emotions in me, including gratitude and grief. longing and deep reflection. Losing my father to lethal ALS disease and seeing his fit body melt in front of my eyes was not an easy experience. But acceptance of our mortality helped me deal with this situation at the time. Now, as a father myself, your story means a lot to me. Thank you, Dr Rice, for writing this insightful, inspiring, and empowering piece from the heart with valuable life lessons
Dr Yildiz - Thank you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt reflection on fatherhood. I can only begin to imagine the pain of witnessing your father’s decline and yet you speak with such depth and meaning about what it now means to be a father yourself. I imagine Father’s Day carries a unique weight for you related to grief woven with gratitude and I hop that memory is softened by love and time. The life lesson you offer is a profound one and I’m extremely grateful for your generosity in sharing it.
A very powerful and significant article on the importance of reflecting on fatherhood and how it shapes us Bronce. My father was an amazing provider but wasn't quite equipped, like so many with emotional capacity to show up as I would have liked. That being said, I am truly grateful for his hard work and expression of love through the experiences he gave me. And the conclusion that love of self should always be made a priority ❤️🙏✨
Thank you Nicola for showing up in a way that matters in life. Yes, the emotional capacity for maturation and whether one hits the mark so to speak is such an interesting thing for men in particular I have found.
And I couldn't agree more on the love of self expression that you highlight. It sounds like you have learned, and continue to relearn, how to show up for yourself in a way that you wished your father did a bit more of. Profound how this type of journey effects the human condition.
Thank you too Bronce. It's profound indeed! I couldn't have done it with awareness alone. My spiritual practices and acceptance of who I really am, have brought me a long way🙏✨❤️
Beautiful and helpful text about fatherhood and your reflection. The warm pictures remembered me how I have never met such fathers not in my childhood and not during my motherhood, and I felt a sting of sadness for my children and myself.
Thank you Tajana - I particularly appreciate you responding given your thoughts and rememberances regarding your own upbringing. I know you've relayed along the way it hasn't been the easiest of situations to say the least.
Curious, do you have any children who are male? I have seen situations where mothers have come to see me and they've had to be mother and father to their children.
You are right, I had had to be mother and father to my son and daughter. Nevertheless, I have a husband who is father of my children. They live their independet life now. My daughter is married, 2 children. My son lives alone, not far from me, but I have never visited him. I forwarded him your post and your Interview. Our communication is only: "Hello" and "How are you doing." I am also sending him my Thursday posts (not posts I wrote as Saturday posts), and it is my communication with him, I partly wrote them for him.
I hope the writitng and sharing you do with your son brings some comfort to you and allows him to understand you a bit more. I have a different relationship with my father now that we are both grown adults. I had to ask him some difficult questions I don't think either one of us felt all that comfortable to talk about. Tell your son I said Hi and that I'm curious if he has any thoughts on my work. No worries if he doesn't want to share or doesn't have thoughts about it. I like that you share with him and keep trying.
Thank you for this reply. Yes, it brings some comfort to me, as I am sure he has read it as I gave him opportunity to tell me to stop sending e-mails, but he didn’t do it. He also accepts your posts. Because the texts are general, and I discover my own inner world, and you discover yours, without interfering with him.
Ahh, nice, you are a wise one Tajana Ida. I like the way you think. Good way to interact all around. Hard to do in life but important when we can get it.
I wish you good luck with difficult questions to your father. At that moment when you come to the essence of the problem you will not be adult anymore, be prepared to meet yourself as a little boy again. And remember that the men are allowed to cry, too.
Good read. I’ve been thinking about the idea of “second adulthood” where we begin reconsidering our values and what really matters. I like the idea of really writing out what your values and how that aligns with how you’re living life. I’ll journal on that tonight!
Nicole - I'm glad the newsletter has some things in it that resonates with you! And given that we overlap in some of what we do for a living, I used to work exclusively with children in a younger day, I'd love to hear how the journaling "homework" that you set for yourself went.
Thank you Nicole.
Firstly, thank you for mentioning me and my upcoming mini-course and your kind words. I am very much looking forward to our live on 30 June.
This is a lovely post to celebrate fatherhood. I didn’t have the best relationship with my father and now when I look back with full understanding of how he always did his best, it’s too late to let him know he did a great job as a father. Perhaps he knows though. I like to think so.
My purpose daily is to live with love, kindness and gratitude, in the best way I can 💕
Sue - I certainly am as well. I watch you doing those Lives a fair amount and think she must be wracking up the self-confidence points by the day. Inspiring to be honest.
I'm sure he felt your love for him in whatever form it showed up. My relationshiop with my father is pretty good these days. My therapist Mel has pushed me in this terrritory more than I was comfortable with/am comfortable with at points but I'll admit my work with him has payed off - and that is him - being both my therapist and my father. Two stubborn men finding ways to relate and talk in new ways.
Your purpose is important. I've dedicated multiple decades to the craft of healing and you need this kind of living in the mix or it's more mind/theoretical based. That's not nothing mind you but to become transformative in the mind, body, spirit relm you need love as a base. Thank you Sue! Now I'm getting excited for our upcoming Live :)
Unfortunately I am not sure he did. I was pretty horrible back then and a very troubled soul. But he loved me and did his best to protect me. My mum told me it was partly my fault he died. Not true and I didn’t even believe it then but that was how depressed she was herself. Traumatic times but it’s all in the past and I am in a different life now. My sister still chooses to live in the past and doesn’t speak to me, despite living in the same street. My older brother died young and my younger brother is probably the kindest person in the world (he works in mental health).
Families can be so complex can’t they.
Ahh, no question on the complexity of families (some of the most complex relationships we will ever have), I understand the importance of learning from the type of living we were immersed in when we were younger, learning to ponder it deeply and learn from it if you will, and live out a different message should that be what one wants or needs to do and if one can find the strength and maturity do so. You cetainly have and this Substack is better for it.
Love this piece, Bronce. Thanks for sharing such a unique way to always look at events or situations with a questioning of "purpose" - this enlightens us to our higher vibrations. If we all applied your pov: "Let it become a call to purposeful living", then the world would be a better place!
PS. My purpose daily is to be kind, true to myself, and even when I don't feel "ready", just act with gratitude, grace, and divine guidance. Keep shining!
Thank you Grace! :) You have a way about you that in a younger day I would've thought about as working with the holy spirit. When this kind thought hits me, I usually pay attention to how they are living out the kind of living they are. All to say, your kind of purposeful living makes me smile. I appreciate it because it matters and it makes sense to me.
Alan Watts says, “The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”
Living with purpose is not as important as I used to believe. I used to have many books about finding your purpose (”Finding Your North Star,” by Martha Beck and The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron and The Purpose of Your Life: Finding Your Place In The World Using Synchronicity, Intuition, And Uncommon Sense (promoted by Oprah Winfrey)). I did exercises. I highlighted. I was a good student. I underlined because I was determined to find my ultimate purpose. The only reason I felt so obsessed with this activity was that I felt lost. In retrospect, I don't think this ‘soul searching’ helped me much. It may have helped me understand my inner world a bit better. But I was never able to grasp precisely what my purpose was. Indeed, my destiny was supposed to be unique and extraordinary. It would be something that promised to offer me freedom if I followed the correct steps and paid money for workshops. All the books I read didn't deliver in their promise. Perhaps, I should have asked for a refund. As I like to say, “The ‘Secret’ to Life is that there is no secret.” 😯 Such is my understanding of the book, The Secret.
I gave up the ultimate search at some point. I realized that I was as mundane and ordinary as anyone else. As I self-reflected, it felt like a bourgeois luxury anyway. People living in poverty or third-world countries aren't constantly considering their life’s purpose. It feels very America—part of the modern hussle. If you can't brand yourself, and if you can't monetize yourself, who are you?
When I was twenty, I remember walking fast on the college campus, proudly thinking, “I’m going places!” Where was I going? I guess I didn't care. I was going somewhere, not nowhere. That's all that mattered at the time. I had escaped my childhood home of abuse and neglect.
I have recently been disabused of the notion that finding a specific purpose is all that important. Do what you love. Love other people. Do that.
Being present and in alignment are more important these days. Keramine assisted psychotherapy was influential in that regard. I used to feel a need to chase after things I suppose to prove my self-worth. In reality, in retrospect, it was ‘in flight’ from myself. I'm not interested in pursuing things for achievement or status. There are things I'd like to experience, things to learn, and ways I’d like to evolve. Activities that align with my values are important to me. Being of service to others is also of central importance to me, but it’s not my entire identity or reason for being.
Anna - Thank you. I’ve found myself reading this more than once. Your ability to reflect with such honesty and perspective at the same time is striking. You put words to something I struggle to articulate so clearly. That our obsessive search for purpose can sometimes be more about escaping ourselves than learning how to be okay with who we already are.
What and how you share this hits on what I meant when I wrote that our wellbeing is like a fingerprint, uniquely shaped by lived experience, not by external formulas or prescriptive paths. This is where the self-help genre often falls short in my estimation.
What you describe in those early striving years that determined sense of “going somewhere” is something I see often in my clinical work and at times within myself. And then, if we’re lucky, there comes a point when we begin to slow down and realize that being here, alive and well to whatever extent, might be enough. I want to say is enough but I think that’s part of the ongoing human struggle, too.
Purpose becomes a different kind of question then, not about achievement, but about the shape and quality of our living. I smiled when you wrote, “Do what you love. Love other people. Do that.” In my way of thinking, that is a type of purpose. That is enough. I’m grateful for your voice in this conversation. You’ve reminded me, and likely many others, that just being, however we are doing this, can be enough, even in a world still urging, at times demanding, us to chase and be otherwise.
Hey, I really liked this. It made me think about how much our fathers shape who we become, whether they were present or not. I can relate to what you said about Father’s Day being a portal to deeper questions. Thanks for sharing this.
My pleasure Jonathan. I look forward to hearing more about your journey when you are able to share more.